Fantasy Football: Insomnia Express

New York Jets v Seattle Seahawks

In a few short days, the 2013 NFL season will being and the global workforce will cease to operate. Wives and girlfriends will simultaneously ask the same question “Is it going to be like this EVERY Sunday?” The answer? Oh you bet your pretty face it is!

That guy in the picture there? Skittles aka Beast Mode aka Marshawn Lynch. A fantasy fooballer’s key to a championship. He consistantly decimates defenses, has a never give up attitude and the boy loves candy when he scores a TD. Gotta respect that.

Every year there is a player that fantasy GM’s scour the web, read draft previews inside and out, watch endless hours of NFL network,and follow every twitter feed that could possibly unearth the key to victory. Since I began playing Fantasy Football back in 2007, I have looked for that guy. He’s out there and he might not be in plain site but he’s there waiting for someone in every league to jump all over him and ride those sweet sweet coat tails.

Whenever a fantasy stud emerges, everyone and Tim Tebow wants to have him on their team. There are a variety of ways this new amazing find can be added but I won’t bore you with the details. Its a rush to see this guy in action and to start dreaming up all the ways he is going to win you the championship or how he will be the best man at your wedding or a wingman for your eventual strike out when he ends up vulturing that hottie at the bar.

Because this is an educational site, nothing but the facts, some blown out of proportion stats, and some good humored ribbing will be found here. So take my hand *reaches out for your hand* lock it in, and get ready for some crazy awesome times ahead…..just a second I have to put my daughter to bed.

OK, sorry about that. Lets get in to…..NO SWEETIE, YOU CAN’T HAVE ANOTHER DRINK, GO TO BED!

Guy mode ACTIVATE.

The year is 2007. Your buddy asks yo to join his Fantasy league. Sure, how hard can it be? I know all the players, this should be fun. HEY WAIT! All the good guys are getting drafted! He should have been there still, pretty sure I was the only guy targeting him.

Enter Brandon Jacobs, running back for the New York Giants. In tandem with Ahmad Bradshaw, the Giants rolled this duo, more specifically Jacobs to a Super Bowl ring over the New England Patriots and the infamous David Tyree helmet catch” from Eli Manning.

Brandon Jacobs stat line: 174 receiving yards and 1009 rushing yards for 6 TD. Not a bad find. He was a monster of a man and plowed through defenses continually. The Giants appreciated his efforts, you can count on that!

As HOV says on to the next one…

One year later 2008 produced arguably one of the most exciting football players to walk on the field. His name to many is a mystery. Not because he keeps it a secret, no, its because lately, no one is really sure how many yards he’ll amass this season. The kids around the playground might call him CJ2K, or CJ?K, maybe CJ1K, one of the founding members of Flash and Dash or simply Chris Johnson. CJ took over for Lendale White very early in the season when it was clearly recognized who was the better back. He was fast, he was shifty and he had breakaway speed even after the first tackle. Chris Johnson became a fantasy star almost over night. The next season he would become the 6th player in NFL history to rush for over 2000 yards. He was and is all kinds of awesome.

CJ2K’s stat line in 08: 260 receiving yards and 1228 rushing yards for 10 TD. Not bad, almost Madden numbers for a rookie!

While the world was being introduced to Lady Gaga and seeing the Hangover for the first time, these two homies were tearing up the NFL quicker than Aaron Hernandez could get rid of that gun he tweeted. This is Ray, last name Rice, so amazing we have to say it UH GAIN!! His division rival in Pittsburgh was having a good year too. This is Mike “60 minutes” check yo watch Wallace.

Mike Wallace, living in the shadows of Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes, put up a great 09 season. Nothing that will go down in the record books, but he was a huge addition to the Steelers offense and made them a Super Bowl Champion. Did I mention he was on the waiver wire for pretty much every league?
Wallace da kid stat line: 756 receiving yards for 6 TD

Ray Rice was making a name for himself over in Baltimore at the same time. He was a short pug type back who made defenses think twice about stopping him; not they could. Everyone wanted a Rice type player and if you were lucky he was on your team quick.
Rice stat line: 702 receiving yards and 1339 rushing yards for 8 TD

Arian+Foster+Jacksonville+Jaguars+v+Houston+mXQ95U2ddjpl

2010, the beginning of a new era.

This was the season two men took the stage. 2010 revealed Arian Foster and Peyton Hillis. Arian was a preseason draft pick in many leagues, but no one could know how amazing he was really going to be. Peyton Hillis made people quickly pay attention to what was going to happen that season.
Combined, these two would rack up 1081 receiving yards, 2793 rushing yards and 31 TD. Sadly, Hillis dropped off the map but Foster is still a top 3 back if he’s healthy. This was also the year that if you had Arian Foster, you probably won your league. I did not have him.

Four years prior, David Tyree made the NY Giants Superbowl Champions with the helmet catch and in 2011 it was a different receiver who was turning heads. The Giants would go on Cruz Control and again beat the New England Patriots for their 2nd title in four years.
Victor Cruz stepped out in 2011 and was an instant add by the end of week one. He never looked back. I’ll say, Chunky’s ad? You got it made son! Fork or a spoon though?
Cruz stat line: 536 receiving yards for 9 TD

And finally 2012. Some thought it was the end of the world. It wasn’t. Some thought Lindsay Lohan would change. She didn’t. Some thought I would be less hairy. Ok that actually happened. But then it went back. To be fair it grew back in 2013 so I kept that promise.
Lets take a journey to the planet Melmack. Alien lifeforms are thriving with corn like noses. Cats are no where to be seen. And lost in it all is Alfred Morris. The tough part about this season was that a Washington Redskin was a breakout player. Luckily, I had the foresight to snag this gem before the greedy paws around my league could get him first.

ALF as Dave Richard from CBS Sports dubbed him was a runaway threat. He caught, he rushed he blocked. RG III was supposed to be the star but he ended up sharing the spotlight with ALF. No one was happier than fantasy owners across the country…ok the Seahawks were happier but lets not ruin this run here.
ALF stat line: 1610 rushing yards for 13 TD…shizaaaam that is cray! Did I mention I have him?

So to summarize this wording collaboration, you too can snag one of these fine fellas in your fantasy league. Just do your homework, study hard read the blogs, the twitters and endless hours of television. OR….you could randomly watch the one game on TV that ends up changing your season. Good luck, because I’m going to get him first.

Also, YOLO.

All stats provided by http://espn.go.com/nfl/statistics

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