Lacky Lu Mysteries: The Case Of WTF

As if the Canucks season wasn’t an absolute clusterspunk, the horror show that is now daily life in Vancouver just keeps getting worse. In danger of missing the playoffs for the first time since 2008, heck the first time they haven’t won the division in at least that long, the Canucks are struggling to make even breakfast right now. Like your favourite Saturday morning cartoons, Lacky Lu Mysteries is on the case.

On Sunday, Roberto Luongo was given the day off in favour of backup goaltender Eddie Lack. If it was ANY OTHER GAME Lack would have been a fine choice. It was the Senators, they could have started literally anyone in that game and it wouldn’t have made a flippin difference. The problem is: THIS was the Heritage Classic and it was at home. If your star goalie who has been raked through the coals, divorced, brutalized in the media, left for dead in a sewer and pretty much forgotten is STILL on your team, you play him. You play him out of sheer respect. Bobby Lu has been through more than most organizations will go through in their entire existance. Throw him a fricken bone.

Of course, Lu handled it professionally but he was visibly pissed off as anyone could see. Why Torts decided to go with Lack is pretty much anyone’s guess. Playing the hot hand is a pathetic excuse, the Canucks haven’t won a game that was even close to the word hot. You know who’s hot right now? Not the Canucks. Pick any team that plays with 3 forwards, 2 defense and a goalie and you have a better option. Tortorella is struggling to keep this team afloat and it might be the beginning of the “rebuild” everyone is talking about.

This team has spiraled downward quicker than Mason Raymond tripping over the blue line. Injuries, bad luck, more injuries, more bad luck and the curse of not being able to score a goal have brought the Canucks nothing but headaches. If this actually WAS a Lacky Lu Mystery episode, here’s what they’d find:

The Canucks are introduced to a new division in 2013/2014 and they are no longer the fair maidens anymore. No real changes to the locker room force the team to find answers on an aging roster that saw their success pass them and left them in the dust. Lack and Lu search high and low for answers to who has stolen the Canucks talent, their drive to win and Lu’s hair gel. Game after game, nothing but disappointment in the stands and endless questions looming large in the media.

A coach that doesn’t seem to have any legitimate answers dulls down an offense that used to be tops in the league, now just a fading memory. Lack eats another meatball and asks Lu “Is this how it ends for us? Is this our demise?” Lu having been through this far too many times pipes up “It gets worse before it gets worse” “WTF does that mean Lu?” “It means they should have traded me before they made this team into a sideshow”

Now, Lack and Lu Mysteries is a fictional tale and a brief one at that! But what isn’t lost on anyone is that snowball effect that is consuming the Canucks. There have been so many minor screw ups and bad moves that have led this group to become a mere joke in the eyes of the rest of the league. Not trading Luongo was a big mistake. Personally, I never wanted him to leave but in hindsight, at least this team wouldn’t have had to deal with as much of a circus.

Luongo is STILL in the spotlight and is commended for being “a great team mate” and a “real professional”. That is BS. This guy just wants to play hockey and not be the elephant in the room. Leave him alone, trade him, or at the very least, START HIM. Its unfortunate that budding star Eddie Lack has to be dragged through this at no fault of his own as well.

A much simpler time, when Luongo was king. Photo taken from

A much simpler time, when Luongo was king.
Photo taken from

Getting the start for the Heritage Classic was probably one of Lack’s worst memories as a Canuck. You really feel sorry for the guy, its not his fight but they put him in the ring.

Ryan Kesler is probably the final nail in the coffin for this season in Vancouver, it might even put the team back a few years. There isn’t a player ready to fully fill Kesler’s skates and there isn’t anyone that can skate along side of him either. However it leaked that Kes wanted out, was bad from the start. As bad as this season has been, at least it was being controlled internally. Now, all bets are off. If Kesler DOES want out, it better happen a lot shorter than when Cody Hodgson was dealt or when Luongo wasn’t. There has to be an end to the hemmoraging taking place because most of us can’t handle any more drama this year.

Kesler has done pretty much everything that has been asked of him and he hasn’t been rewarded. Sure, financially he is set, but you can’t buy a Stanley Cup. GM Mike Gillis has done almost nothing to help Kesler realize his full potential and his dismantling of Vancouver’s farm club has had to pay the price. Ryan Kesler would give his life for this team, its time they show some life and help him out.

The Canucks are in a world of hurt, literally, and don’t have any direction. They need a guidance counsellor or a map…or a compass…maybe even a street sign because they are lost.

Follow me on twitter @hankthetank10

Cover photo courtesy of Anne-Marie Sorvin – USA TODAY

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