UNSOLVED MYSTERIES: JANNIK HANSEN’S FAILED BREAKAWAYS

A shaman once said “give a man a breakaway, he may score a goal; TEACH a man to breakaway, he’ll confuse the bojangles out of everyone that cheers for him because he always finds a way to screw it up.” – Not a quote from a real shaman

Herein lies the great mystery, the mystery of the Jannik Hansen failed breakaway. We have all said it at one moment or another; no, we have said it every freaking time it happens, HOW DID YOU HONESTLY SCREW THAT UP?

The other reaction is: YES YES YES YES YES YES NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO C’MONNNNNN SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!

All classic responses to a Jannik Hansen failed breakaway, no one is pointing fingers here, we’re all guilty. But why do we react this way? Is it the funny way he talks? Is it the frumpy way he walks? OK sorry, Frozen moment there. Having two little girls is really starting to show.

Seriously though, why does Hansen routinely amaze us with failed opportunity after failed opportunity on a breakaway only to turn the tables when we least expect it and net a beauty?

There are probably tens of reasons why this might be. Here are a few:

Jannik heard the hit song by Kelly Clarkson “Breakaway” and couldn’t get it out of his head, so much so that it’s affected his on ice decision making in that situation.

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Another music theory is that he saw a parody band being advertised on his walk home from practice one day called “Jannik? at the Disco” and he thought of the actual band’s name Panic! at the Disco whenever he’s free and clear and he Panics….with a capital P AND the exclamation point.

Is it because Hansen doesn’t trust himself one on one or maybe he figures “hey, let the top six do all the damage, I’m here to burn minutes”.

It just makes no sense as to why he blows his chances so often, and I mean, he gets a sick ton of chances. Now I don’t watch the Flames but I hear Curtis Glencross is guilty of this in Calgary as well. Can’t imagine they do anything different than we do? Is it the same protocol? Breakaway, missed chance, yell at TV.

We could all spend hours and hours breaking down this unicorn situation and come up with nothing. Seriously, thats probably what would happen. Why are we even doing this?

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Jannik Hansen is making us do this.

His sick sense of Danish humour has us wracking our brains every time that puck clanks, misses, whiffs and the odd chance he actually DOES score? Our brains do the blow up thing

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Jannik Hansen is about as consistent as the World Cup of Hockey or even Tool’s new album releases when it comes to converting on breakaways so the next time he scores on this mythical creature, lets give him the slow clap he deserves.

And then lets make a “You the REAL MVP” meme about it and tweet it to Kevin Durant, he loves those things.

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