29 Clicks Later…The Canucks Pick Matthews (No Spoilers)

The Vancouver Canucks are so close to the first overall pick but they just can’t seem to get there. With a win against the Coyotes this week making things muddier than ever, the Nucks will really have to turn up the suck-o-meter to make this thing happen. Will there be a good player at 2nd or 3rd overall? Definitely, but that’s not what you came to see.

There are two “Draft Lottery Simulators” on the interwebs and I have spun that wheel like an addict waiting for a different result each time. We all wanna know “Where are the Canucks going to pick?” What I have done will not only mystify and amaze you but it will show you once and for all that no matter what, the Canucks will find a way to screw it up anyways.

How many clicks will it take to ride the unicorn into the sunset? Hopefully not a lot, that really would crush this article.

Let’s start with Tankathon!

Before I started, I took an inventory of everything I needed to know – the Canucks have a 6% chance of getting the first pick, 19.1% chance of a top 3 and of all the lottery teams, Vancouver has the 2nd fewest ROW with 22. Impressive, if you think not winning in regulation is impressive. In this case, I do.

First spin – dud. Second spin – same. On the 6th spin, the Canucks got the 2nd overall pick, not bad but they only do this once. Let’s keep going. The 15th go around netted the same spot but Buffalo got the first overall pick, typical! Spin 29, 2nd place again and to Toronto, ugh. Could you imagine Matthews, Marner AND Stamkos? Yeesh!

I could have stopped but on spin 32, Vancouver captured the crown jewel Auston Matthews! Not gonna lie, it felt good. I had a beer and lit some candles, played some Adele and pretty much called it a night. I did remember that I wasn’t done this experiment and things could change down the internet street. It is possible Canucks fans, like Leo DiCaprio Oscar possible.

The next vehicle to check out on the lot is the famous NHL Lottery Simulator. Its a 2016 model, pretty basic, no a/c, a TAPE DECK ARE YOU KIDDING ME? It has the usual: power steering, ability to pick first overall, create hope and crush dreams. Let’s take it for a ride!

So far, I do not like this version; 8 tries and a measly 3rd overall pick? This sucks. Barely off the lot and that’s all I get? Oh, but what awaited me at try number 10? Yes my friends, the top of the mountain, the Nickelback of draft picks (that means best FYI). I really thought it would take longer but 6% is not a bad percent after all.

Could you imagine Jim Benning started his day thinking “Aw man, I’m trade away Alex Burrows for a 6th rounder and re-sign Bartkowski to a whopper deal and then OUTTA NOWHERE he get’s the 1st overall pick? I mean, he’d still do the first two things but that would be the best part of his day after all that.

I tried a few more times to see if the chances were real, if it wasn’t all a dream. Turns out, the 18th lap around the track was another fruitful one, Benning was getting Matthews! It felt amazing! I truly believed this had happened and woke my parents up at 11pm to let them know. Apparently calling your folks about a fictional event isn’t a great idea, might not have a babysitter next week so I kinda regret that all now.

Back to the Canucks though; they got the pick and life is good again. Forget all the win, loss, loss, loss, win sequences, all the town hall meetings and if the Russian giant will pan out – the Canucks are back in the win column and its great.

Go figure, 29th time worked too! The problem to all of this is that the Canucks need more losses to get a better shot at that trophy. It won’t be easy because as we all know, Vancouver never does it the easy way.

There is still time and with a bit of luck, some questionable coaching and approximately 30 minutes a night from Nikita Tryamkin and Luca Sbisa, we got this locked up.

Or not, there’s that possibility too.


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