jannik hansen


Things are getting a lot tighter as the season gets closer to the playoffs and every game is worth so much now. It was an eventful week at the Rog bookended by Canucks wins to Anaheim and Toronto. I am obligated to talk about the disaster that was the LA Kings matchup only because this is a week in review and I would be cheating myself and all of you.

The theme of the week seemed to be “turtling“. This is the action one does when one does not wish to fight a combatant for fear of their life. On Monday, Zack Kassian would amplify his hero status when he challenged Patrick Maroon and you guessed it, this happened:

First the setup from 2014:

Now the sequel:

Twitter went bananas and thus the world was given a great gif….t. Not to be lost in all this was Ryan Kesler getting um, levelled by Kassian and when Kesler wanted to get a bit of revenge he was politely hipchecked by Chris Tanev; love that guy!

The Kings/Canucks tilt was a snoozer and we didn’t even deserve to be a part of it. Honestly, that’s all I want to talk about from that night.

Finally, the Leafs came to town and wouldn’t ya know it, the Nucks kicked their butts! Once again, turtling was the theme of the night, Leafs fans were one step closer to seeing Connor McDavid in a buds jersey. Jannik Hansen provided the reptile relief for this game and ANOTHER classic clip was born.


(Credit to Hockey Night in Canada and Canucksarmy.com)

Say what you will about the Canucks this year, they have made it entertaining in a ton of games this season. Sure, they have soiled the sheets and gone down by two goals more times than you can shake a stick at but they’re still in the hunt and really, thats all that matters.

So let’s get into it:


Vs. Anaheim Mighty Ducks – WIN 2-1 (The turtle was born)

RECAP: Ryan Kesler came back, took a puck to the noggin in warmups, got Kassian’d in the first followed by Tanev’d right after. Bo Horvat lit the lamp uh-gen, Eddie Lack had a bit of puck luck but otherwise stunning and Zack Kassian scored the GWG late in the third as well as being super cool when he tried to fight Patrick Maroon.

Vs. Los Angeles Kings – LOSE 4-0

RECAP: I mean, do you really care? The Kings beat Vancouver again, proved we still can’t quite hang with them yet and made us long for an easier opponent. Would have liked to see A goal but that didn’t happen.

Vs. Toronto Maple Leafs – WIN 4-1 (TMNT 2: Turtles involved but no Super Shredder)

RECAP: I called out Chris Higgins in my game day preview for Canucksarmy.com, and what happens? He scored. I seem to remember the last time I did that in my Shawn Matthias article, Higgy lit the lamp that time too! Derek Dorsett had a SHG and 2 assists, the power play was dreadful and we saw another turtle incident. For a Leafs/Canucks tilt it really wasn’t a barn burner. Once again, let me state this: That Hansen mock turtlnecking Phaneuf was a thing of beauty!


Courtesy of @ZoSoNuck

So all in all, a good week. Vancouver was leap frogged by Calgary but then took the lead again after the Leafs game. Zack Kassian is quickly gaining steam as the most popular player in Vancouver. I love this because he still is so raw and is finally coming into his own. Might we see the emergence of Kassian the Conquerer come April? Maybe.

Last but not least, I DO NOT HATE CHRIS HIGGINS. This team is showing they have a lot of depth and Higgins looks like he has definitely lost a step this year. He is a tough worker bee and I would love to see him come back to the 2011, heck the 2010 version and prove he still has it all going on.

You can now read my ramblings on the Canucks Army Game Day Preview. So thankful to those guys for noticing me and giving me a great opportunity. I would also like to thank former blogs The Farm Club and Two Pad Stack for the first real writing gigs.

Ok I’m done. *drops the mic*

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A shaman once said “give a man a breakaway, he may score a goal; TEACH a man to breakaway, he’ll confuse the bojangles out of everyone that cheers for him because he always finds a way to screw it up.” – Not a quote from a real shaman

Herein lies the great mystery, the mystery of the Jannik Hansen failed breakaway. We have all said it at one moment or another; no, we have said it every freaking time it happens, HOW DID YOU HONESTLY SCREW THAT UP?


All classic responses to a Jannik Hansen failed breakaway, no one is pointing fingers here, we’re all guilty. But why do we react this way? Is it the funny way he talks? Is it the frumpy way he walks? OK sorry, Frozen moment there. Having two little girls is really starting to show.

Seriously though, why does Hansen routinely amaze us with failed opportunity after failed opportunity on a breakaway only to turn the tables when we least expect it and net a beauty?

There are probably tens of reasons why this might be. Here are a few:

Jannik heard the hit song by Kelly Clarkson “Breakaway” and couldn’t get it out of his head, so much so that it’s affected his on ice decision making in that situation.


Another music theory is that he saw a parody band being advertised on his walk home from practice one day called “Jannik? at the Disco” and he thought of the actual band’s name Panic! at the Disco whenever he’s free and clear and he Panics….with a capital P AND the exclamation point.

Is it because Hansen doesn’t trust himself one on one or maybe he figures “hey, let the top six do all the damage, I’m here to burn minutes”.

It just makes no sense as to why he blows his chances so often, and I mean, he gets a sick ton of chances. Now I don’t watch the Flames but I hear Curtis Glencross is guilty of this in Calgary as well. Can’t imagine they do anything different than we do? Is it the same protocol? Breakaway, missed chance, yell at TV.

We could all spend hours and hours breaking down this unicorn situation and come up with nothing. Seriously, thats probably what would happen. Why are we even doing this?


Jannik Hansen is making us do this.

His sick sense of Danish humour has us wracking our brains every time that puck clanks, misses, whiffs and the odd chance he actually DOES score? Our brains do the blow up thing


Jannik Hansen is about as consistent as the World Cup of Hockey or even Tool’s new album releases when it comes to converting on breakaways so the next time he scores on this mythical creature, lets give him the slow clap he deserves.

And then lets make a “You the REAL MVP” meme about it and tweet it to Kevin Durant, he loves those things.


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Are The Canucks Nosey For Brad Marchand?

I honestly don’t know how rumours take the shape they do and what takes it to the next level, but hearing through the grapevine that the Canucks are potentially interested in Bruins forward Brad Marchand is one that would get traction from any media member. The Bruins and the Canucks both have a need and may be in the market to deal. Sometimes being a little nosey is a good thing.

On the surface, Brad Marchand isn’t exactly the ideal candidate to be traded to the Canucks. Unless you were cryogenically frozen in 2011, you know that the Canucks and Marchand aren’t cozy buddies. What most people will remember is the 5 punch beatdown on Daniel Sedin during the Stanley Cup Final. That didn’t go over well and gave the Bruins some extra life when they eventually stole the Cup from the Canucks.

Or maybe it was the taunting a few seasons later when he reminded not only the Canucks but their fans what he accomplished after leaving Vancouver in June 2011.

Courtesy of Bloguin.com

Mr. Marchand is NOT a household favourite in British Columbia with his dirty tactics and just his overall antics, I mean, he pissed pretty much every Canucks fan off and rubbed it in after he won the Cup. But….what if he was a Canuck? When Raffi Torres became a member of the blue and green, he went from hated to beloved. When Raffi was let go, the fans still wanted him back. You need guys like that on your roster.

Here is the article by Elliotte Friedman of Rogers Sportsnet that sparked the conversation.

It’s typical of Vancouver media and local sports fans alike to jump to the ultimate conclusion when a tidbit of info becomes unearthed. There is ZERO mention of Marchand at all here. On Friday evening this is the poll question on TSN 1040 in Vancouver:

See. No one has even said Marchand is available. Welcome to Vancouver.

A quick look at Marchand’s stats shows he’s someone the Canucks would want. What’s better than two trips to the Cup Final, one ring, a league of haters and the ability to put your team over the edge. Oh I forgot, he draws lots……and LOTS of penalties.

He averages 20 goals, 40+ points, a bucket load of PIMs and all the intangibles that make any self respecting Canucks fan hate him. It’s the things that make us hate him that are the reasons he would be a amazingly valuable piece to the Canucks puzzle.

Vancouver just doesn’t have that on the edge player let alone one that actually produces on the score sheet. He already has 8 goals this year and the Bruins aren’t exactly at the top of the standings. Currently in 9th place, a win from a few teams below puts them in 11th. Yep, the big, bad Bruins.

Here’s another interesting tidbit, courtesy of behindthenet.ca I’m not a huge advanced stats guy but this intrigued me: In 2013/2014, Marchand drew 1.1 penalties over the course of 60 minutes. You can play around with the filters to get other fun numbers but a guy that gives you at least one chance to score a power play goal a game is worth having. That’s over 90 power plays if he plays a full 82 games. Simple math folks.

I wonder sometimes if Brad Marchand paid for his actions in during 2011, or if he wasn’t on that Bruins team, if the Canucks would have walked away with the Cup instead. Makes you think. If I’m Jim Benning, Canucks GM, I pull the trigger and make a deal for the “Nose Faced Killer“. His team needs a punch, maybe not literally and it’s time to get serious.

The question does remain, who goes the other way? Boston is in the market for a top six/top nine forward so maybe utility man Jannik Hansen or struggling defenseman Alex Edler would move. With action comes reaction and moving either of those, mainly Edler, there creates a hole on the back end. The name actually mentioned is Zack Kassian. Is Kassian still a work in progress or is it time to jump ship on him? He’s injured right now but who knows, maybe Benning is cut throat.

Jim Benning is a smart man; he helped build the 2011 Bruins Cup team and he no doubt wants to reciprocate his efforts on their Stanley Cup opponents from that year. I would love to know what Brad Marchand thinks of all this and if I could be so lucky to get an honest, non-hockey answer, would he even care?

Reaching out to fans and media in Boston produced nothing, no one even cares about the Canucks anymore. The Bruins have been to the Final again since 2011, so the guess is Vancouver is not on the top of their worry list. On the other hand, will Canucks fans ever forget?

If Brad Marchand DOES make his way to the west coast, the drama alone will be worth it, in my humble opinion:


“The nose never bothered me anyways”

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Ask Your Doctor If Canucks Are Right For You

Is winning hockey games something you yearn for? Are Saturday nights not the same without a beer, cheering with your buds and the sound of the puck hitting the back of the net? Maybe Canucks are for you. The Canucks are a hockey team in the NHL that currently sit 6th overall in the league and rising; their goalie, Ryan Miller, is tied for the league lead in winsand they have a player who is often referred to as a honey badger. Canucks used to commonly see success, sellouts and Sedins, but now mostly just the Sedins.

Canucks are not for everyone. Cheering for Canucks can lead to heartbreak, chest pain, diarrhea, crying, blaming refs, suspicion of conspiracy, drinking heavily and listening to self appointed critics. Canucks may cause random excitement, impulse retail purchases, bandwagoning and relief via social media. Other symptoms include but are not limited to: rioting, getting punched in the face, punching someone in the face and over spending on tickets that you know full well haven’t been worth that price in a long long time.

If any of these sound enticing, ask your doctor about Canucks.

Actual screen shot of nhl.com on Nov 26/14

At 18-4-1, the Canucks are quickly becoming this seasons surprise team. Surprising in the sense that a year ago they hit a free fall of epic proportions and saw the team drastically changed. There hasn’t been any controversies, no goalie issues and definitely NOBODY is looking to get a pass from Ryan Kesler, not like it would have mattered anyways.

The waning fan base is still on the fence about whether or not this team is for real or not. I don’t blame them. We’ve seen this story before; the difference is that no one is putting THIS year’s team on a pedastal. Ya, Henrik and Daniel are putting up points like they used to, 41 points in 22 games, and Radim Vrbata is reaping all the benefits of his swedish buds(10 goals, 7 assists).

Can we really believe that Jannik Hansen is going to continue his torrid pace of awesome (5 goals 3 games, 1 SHG) for the rest of the season, or at least at a pace that sees him become a regular contributor again? Is Alex Burrows back to his old ways of making the crease and the corners his zone again and scoring the scrappy goals? Coach Willie seems to be getting the most out of a team that just needed a reset, that and maybe the stigma of having to be everything to everyone.

We want to believe that the supporting cast is good enough to keep the twins rested and the Bonino, Burrows and Higgins line at a steady clip. Bo Horvat is the most recent good story to come out of the Canucks locker room; he gives the 3rd/4th line, whatever they are, legitimacy and the way this kid is already tearing up the faceoff circles(62/99, 62.6%), Manny Malhotra will wish he had the skill set Bo does to go along with his draws.

How good can this team really be? It’s early still but they are showing they can win the big games when they matter; and the ones they lose have shown the fans there are still things that need work.

So if you are still interested in the Canucks, ask your doctor or your local cable provider about a free trial. Although, I’m really not sure what your doctor will actually do….he’s a doctor, he saves lives not pucks.

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Jannik Hansen Was Bad, Jannik Hansen Was DANE-gerous

First of all, I want to apologize to everyone that clicked and thought they were getting a quick link to Michael Jackson’s 1992 epic album “Dangerous“. Although my intentions were there, this is a Jannik Hansen piece. After Jannik netted 3, WHAT? 3 WHAT? Yes, 3 goals against the Blackhawks, the Internets ran wild and no one knew what to say.
Hansen’s goals were so pretty, Odell Beckham Jr. memed them. I currently have no proof of this so I’ll just include one I found of OBJ. There just wasn’t enough time when two awesome things happened on the same night.


First we were all in shock that Hansen scored a breakaway goal and didn’t draw a penalty or knock the net off or just plain old screw it up. That took a few days to get used to. But then, he did so much more than that and we remembered the Danish we fell in love with so many years ago.

Courtesy of zabardast.co.uk…….but you don’t really care right now

Jannik Hansen was bad, Jannik Hansen was DANE-gerous. Alain Vigneault used to say he was the best practice player on the team. That’s like being the hockey equivalent of the friend zone. We “like” you, we really do but I think you’d be better, actually so much better on maybe the…….thirrrrrd line?

The beauty of this year’s Canucks club is that the bottom six forwards are the ones finally getting the cred. We all know Hank and Dank are good, they are always flaunting it on the score sheets. Radim Vrbata proved why anyone that can truly sync with the Twins will be succesful; this is the blue collar guys turn. No more Kesler drama, no more Luongo questions, no more bras on the ice, actually that was a good time in Canucks history.

Jannik Hansen already has a pretty impressive stat line this season, 8 goals and 1 assist , more importantly this week. 1st star of the week honours came right at the end of the week for the Great Dane and now the Canucks are finding out they might have more in the lineup than they thought.

He’s on pace to get back to his 2010-11 stats which a group of people that are good at the stats know, the Canucks did pretty well that year. Hansen is also playing his way onto another prestigious club:

So is this the peak of Jannik’s performance or is the glue finally holding the talent this team has together? It’s so much fun right now because I don’t even know what I’m supposed to believe. I mean, we beat the Blackhawks, err, Jannik Hansen beat the Blackhawks and we really didn’t put any hate into it. Are we maturing as fans, as a team? This feels weird like the phantom wipe….you knoooooooow.

Can’t forget to mention that with Hansen’s success comes another’s breakout: Boseph Horvats. Bo Knows 3 assists, Bo knooooows Hansen. Seriously, WHAT IN THE DRY SCRAPE IS GOING ON????? How do we compute this? These questions have no answers and they can only lead to more things we are good at right now.

Let’s just focus on Mr. Utility Knife, The Great Dane, Mr. DANE-gerous, Cory Schneider’s other voice, #36 in your program and the man who shares that same number as 2001’s Pat Kavanagh. Relevant info or not, the Jan (pronounced YAN for this specific comment) Man is tearing it up.

Im outta puns and jokes, my time is done.

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